A Guide to Planning Your Wedding
at Cross of Life Lutheran Church
Brookfield, WI
Your Wedding: A True Celebration
Our philosophy concerning weddings is simple. As your church, we celebrate with you as you make an enduring commitment to each other as a couple. The celebration takes place in the context of a Christian worship service. Like any worship service, there are some standard components to a wedding, as well as plenty of variables. The process of planning is a partnership between the couple and the Pastor leading the service. Our intent is to make sure your wedding reflects both its Christian foundation and your preferences as a couple.
What follows is a starting point. This booklet lifts up things for you to consider as you begin making decisions about the wedding service. Not everything listed will apply to your situation. Likewise, not every one of your questions or ideas will be found in these pages. All the specifics will be worked out in your meetings with the Pastor who leads your service. Feel free to call Pastor John Horner-Ibler or Pastor Sherrie Lorbeck as questions arise.
Getting Started: Attending to the Details
Selecting a Date and Time
Weddings can be scheduled for any member of Cross of Life Lutheran Church. To reserve a date, contact either Pastor to see if the date is open on the church calendar. There is only one wedding a day, so please make arrangements well in advance of your preferred date. Dates must be scheduled at least four months in advance. Late morning, afternoon, and early evening services are all time of day possibilities. Saturday weddings, however, can begin no later than 2:30 PM. The Pastor will contact you shortly after the date is placed on the church calendar to go over any questions you might have about this booklet.
Location
The church sanctuary is the anticipated location, but alternative sites off the church property can also be considered. Discuss your requests with the Pastor.
Flowers and Candles
Both are the responsibility of the couple. Flowers may be placed on or before the altar and/or tastefully in other locations throughout the sanctuary. The church does not own candelabras or a unity candle stand. If you desire to use either, they will need to be rented/purchased. Drip guards should be placed under all candles.
Chancel Arrangement
The placement of musical instruments, furniture and banners in the front of the church cannot be adjusted for individual weddings.
Musicians
All organ and keyboard music will be played by members of the Cross of Life staff. Vocalists and other instrumentalists are a welcome addition to any service. Those musicians do not need to be connected to Cross of Life. Discuss your plans with the Pastor.
Photography and Videos
Both are permitted during the service. We ask that neither guests nor your photographer use a flash during the service. Photographers and videographers should consult with the Pastor in advance, since some locations provide better angles than others. In general, we simply ask photographers to use common sense and good taste.
Wedding License
Can be purchased a month in advance at the courthouse in the county where you live. This needs to be done in person, by both people. No tests or appointments are necessary. Fees vary by county but generally rise in the last week before the wedding. Give the license to the Pastor before the wedding! The original will be signed during or after the service and then sent to the Waukesha County Register of Deeds. Copies can be obtained from them about 2 weeks after the service.
Pre-Marital Sessions With the Pastor
Three 60-90 minute sessions with one of our Pastors are part of the planning process. These sessions include time taken to plan the service and time set aside to take and discuss a marital inventory called “Prepare.” There is a $35.00 processing fee for the inventory.
Don’t worry! The inventory is not a predictor of marital success or an outsider’s assessment of your relationship. Rather, it allows couples to self-identify their own strengths and work areas and to discuss them briefly with a third party. The details of these discussions with the Pastor are confidential, but the process of sharing time together does allow the Pastor to know the couple better. One of the results is a more personal wedding service. The other result is a couple more attuned to the history and potential of their relationship.
Couples should contact the Pastor 4 months in advance of their wedding date to schedule their first pre-marital session.
Music
Music is wonderfully expressive. It is able to evoke the many emotions of a relationship in a way words cannot. Music selected for a wedding celebration should reflect both the tastes of the couple and the Christian context in which the service takes place.
Christine Standley, our Director of Music Ministry at Cross of Life, is an important part of the music planning process. She will typically meet with the couple around the time of the first pre-marital session. It is the responsibility of the couple to contact Chris and set up a time for their meeting. During the meeting, Chris will be able to demonstrate classical and contemporary wedding pieces, and provide feedback on selections the couple is considering. All musical decisions should be made no later than a month prior to the wedding.
Guest vocalists and instrumentalists should contact Chris well in advance of the wedding to schedule a rehearsal if she is accompanying them. To make efficient use of everyone’s time, please encourage guest musicians to be well prepared for the music rehearsal.
As you make your selections, keep the following in mind:
Hymns sung by the congregation are an option which involves your guests as something more than spectators.
Vocal soloists/groups and instrumentalists add to the richness of the service.
Music can function as both a featured moment in the worship as well as a transition from one part of the service to the next.
Service Details
Bulletins
There are lots of options. The Pastor or Administrative staff can show you examples of pre-printed covers available through Church publishing houses. The cost for the pre-printed covers is about $15 per 100 bulletins. The inside is then personalized for your wedding, either here at church or at a printer of your choice. If Cross of Life is printing the inside, all wedding party information needs to be turned in 2 weeks prior to the wedding. Please specify black or blue ink. If the couple produces the bulletin at an outside source, the Pastor needs to see it before printing, and receive a final copy one week prior to the wedding.
Beyond this option, the couple is free to go design or select a bulletin of their own and to produce it at a place of their choosing. Here too, please consult with the Pastor, and have a copy of the final version in the Pastor’s hands one week prior to the service.
Wedding Party
Make the following decisions months in advance of your wedding:
Will there be attendants, and if so, how many?
Will there be ring and/or flower bearers?
Guests and Ushers
The seating capacity of our sanctuary is 340. If you expect 50 or more guests, you should plan on having at least 2 ushers. “Open,” or “Groom’s-side/Bride’s-side” seating is the decision of the couple. Ushers should be oriented accordingly. Beyond the seating of guests, ushers have the additional duties of candle lighting, bulletin distribution, and the dismissal of guests after the service. They should plan to attend the rehearsal so they can be briefed on these tasks.
Readings
Like music, the readings should reflect you as a couple. At least one of the readings should be from Scripture. Feel free to also include poetry, stories, or other writings of meaning to you. A total of one to three readings is typical.
Scripture
You are encouraged to pick a Bible passage that has special significance to you as a couple. If you aren’t sure of where to begin, the Pastors can be helpful in this process.
Readers
Readings are an excellent opportunity to include others in leading the service. Our suggestion is that the reader(s) be selected from among your family and friends. The Pastor is also available to do the readings.
Rings, Candles and Other Symbolic Exchanges
The exchange of rings and the lighting of a unity candle are included in most services. Other symbolic exchanges (e.g. presenting a rose, thank you letter or other gift to the parents) are common, often varying with family or ethnic tradition. Discuss your wishes with the Pastor.
Vows
The vows are the core of the service. They are the words of promise and fidelity that you offer to each other in the presence of God and witnesses. These should be words that are chosen with care and treasured for a lifetime. About half the couples we marry write their own vows. The other half speak pre-written vows from the Lutheran or other hymnals. The choice is yours. Whatever the source, most couples choose to repeat the vows after the pastor. Make sure the pastor has a copy of the vows you have chosen/written. The Pastor can provide you with examples of vows.
Order of Worship
There is considerable flexibility in the way in which the service is structured. Just as there is no longer a set etiquette for weddings, neither is there a set way to conduct the service. The primary variables are the number of readings and music selections you choose to include in your wedding. The following example would be typical for a service which would last 30 minutes.
Processional
Greeting and Opening Prayer
Affirmation of the Couple by the Congregation
Music (Hymn, Vocal, or Instrumental)
Readings
Brief Sermon
Exchange of Vows
Exchange of Rings
Lighting of Unity Candle
Music (Vocal or Instrumental)
Prayers and Lord’s Prayer
Blessing and Benediction
Announcement of the Marriage and Introduction of the Couple
Recessional
Lutheran weddings can but do not necessarily include the serving of communion. Discuss your wishes with the Pastor. Try to include the congregation at one or two points in the service. This allows your guests to be participants rather than spectators.
Receiving Line
A chance for you to greet your guests after the service, if you choose. Talk to the Pastor about the best location.
Family Considerations
It is not unusual for one or both members of a couple to have parents who are deceased, divorced or separated in some other way. Other couples have children from prior relationships. Each situation is unique to itself and can pose particular needs or challenges. Please talk to the Pastor about your concerns; we will be helpful in finding workable solutions.
Living Together
Some couples ask whether we marry couples who are already living together. While it is our understanding that the sexual expression of a loving relationship is best saved for married life, we make no judgment on couples already living together and celebrate their wedding as we would any other.
The Rehearsal
The rehearsal is usually held the night before the service and takes 50 minutes if the members of the wedding party are punctual. Arrange for the time of the rehearsal at your first pre-marital session with the Pastor.
Reception
You should typically leave at least two and preferably three hours between the start of the wedding service and the start of your reception.
If you are interested in having your reception or rehearsal dinner at the church, please make arrangements with the pastors. Additional Custodial and Administrator fees may apply. The couple assumes responsibility for the conduct of their guests and for returning the Fellowship Hall, Kitchen and other public areas to proper order following the event.
Miscellaneous Facts
The church aisle is 54 feet in length. If you are planning to use an aisle runner, we’d suggest using a 75-foot, rented cloth runner. Paper or vinyl runners are acceptable, but do not work as effectively.
The entire building is climate controlled.
Bird seed can be thrown outside the building. Rice and confetti are difficult to clean up and hard on the birds. Please do not use them.
As part of the care of our facility and everyone’s health we ask that no smoking and no consumption of alcoholic beverages take place on site.
Fees
There is no required fee for the Pastor’s time or the use of the building when a member is being married. Other fees apply and should be paid no later than one week prior to the service using one check made payable to Cross of Life Lutheran Church. The fees include:
Organist $150 plus $25 for each rehearsal with other musicians/vocalists
Custodian $50
Administrator $75
Additional fees for bulletins, receptions, and the pre-marital inventory are covered elsewhere in this Guide.
